IMMMMMMMM backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. . .
So last week I fell off the bandwagon. Well not fell per say, as much as pushed, in the form of three assholes and their not so nice words. Basically I was running, they felt the need to roll down all windows, ride beside me, and laugh. I've lost 93lbs, and decided to do something almost unreachable for my brother,but to see people laugh at my weight hurt, and it was more then I could take. I cried, and pretty much lost all my motivation. It's crazy how the words of others, strangers for that matter, can cut so deep. But today I said F it and laced up my super cute hot pink shoes and ran 1.5 miles. I am doing this for me, for my brother, my mom, but damn sure not for a set of strangers. They don't make me, and they darn sure don't define me. It felt good to be back, sweat running down, hair all nasty, wind through my hair kinda good. Still a ways to go, but I can do it!!!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
I created this blog as an outlet for my journey to the Army Ten Miler. I have absolutely no running experience, and to be quite honest would not even rate myself as that physically active. This idea started with just that an idea backed by a lot of heart, and I hope to watch it become a reality. I am sure it will be hard and at times I will want to give up, but given the reason I am doing this, failure is not an option.
Let me start with the WHY behind the whole Army Ten Miler. I come from a very tight knit family (my mom, dad, little brother, and older brother) and over the years watched as we slowly scattered across the globe. My little brother is pretty much my world, and I will always be his biggest fan, well except for maybe my mom. I have grown up with this kid and watched him turn from a wild child who I figured would end up in jail at some point to this unbelievably amazing man. He joined the army at 18 and despite scoring very high on the test picked to go 1st Cav and become an infantryman. As you can imagine he was deployed pretty much instantly and our family took him to the airport and I helplessly watched as a part of my heart barely old enough to vote prepared for war. I can remember thinking 100 different things like if he died I would have never gotten one last hug, my daughter would never get to meet the amazing man that her uncle bubbie was, but mostly how I would give anything to trade places with him. You see, if you have never had to personally let a loved one go to war, I think you never can truly know the sacrifice families go through. Pretty much everyday we held our breath if an unknown caller showed up on caller id, every news segment showing an American killed or wounded sent your heart into a dark place that I can never wish on anyone. Ever. During his deployment he was shot more then once and in an Humvee that blew up killing everyone but him. But he came home, I will never know the mental state he was in, but he was home.
Flash forward a bit and we come to the conversation that changed my life forever. While sitting on my parents porch smoking, my brother started telling me some of his war stories. I won't go into details because honestly the things he said broke my heart, and they were never mine to share. Sometimes he is open and will tell you if you ask, other times he wont; again they are his, he lived that hell. But he told me that in the Humvee accident when three other men died leaving children and wives behind that he has wished every day that it was him that had died. He said those men had families and kids that needed them, where as he had nobody. Didn't he know that he had me, our mom, our dad?! Didn't he know that living without him would be the worst thing I could possibly ever do? Being so young (20) he should have NEVER had to live like that, to do the things he had to do, see the things he saw. Nobody should ever have too, and sadly many do everyday. I know that if he can live through the horror's he did and never give up fighting or give up hope for the future I can make my ass run ten miles. It will be nothing compared to the countless marches, convoys, checks he has done, and in my own small way it will be honoring the sacrifices he has made.
Let me start with the WHY behind the whole Army Ten Miler. I come from a very tight knit family (my mom, dad, little brother, and older brother) and over the years watched as we slowly scattered across the globe. My little brother is pretty much my world, and I will always be his biggest fan, well except for maybe my mom. I have grown up with this kid and watched him turn from a wild child who I figured would end up in jail at some point to this unbelievably amazing man. He joined the army at 18 and despite scoring very high on the test picked to go 1st Cav and become an infantryman. As you can imagine he was deployed pretty much instantly and our family took him to the airport and I helplessly watched as a part of my heart barely old enough to vote prepared for war. I can remember thinking 100 different things like if he died I would have never gotten one last hug, my daughter would never get to meet the amazing man that her uncle bubbie was, but mostly how I would give anything to trade places with him. You see, if you have never had to personally let a loved one go to war, I think you never can truly know the sacrifice families go through. Pretty much everyday we held our breath if an unknown caller showed up on caller id, every news segment showing an American killed or wounded sent your heart into a dark place that I can never wish on anyone. Ever. During his deployment he was shot more then once and in an Humvee that blew up killing everyone but him. But he came home, I will never know the mental state he was in, but he was home.
Flash forward a bit and we come to the conversation that changed my life forever. While sitting on my parents porch smoking, my brother started telling me some of his war stories. I won't go into details because honestly the things he said broke my heart, and they were never mine to share. Sometimes he is open and will tell you if you ask, other times he wont; again they are his, he lived that hell. But he told me that in the Humvee accident when three other men died leaving children and wives behind that he has wished every day that it was him that had died. He said those men had families and kids that needed them, where as he had nobody. Didn't he know that he had me, our mom, our dad?! Didn't he know that living without him would be the worst thing I could possibly ever do? Being so young (20) he should have NEVER had to live like that, to do the things he had to do, see the things he saw. Nobody should ever have too, and sadly many do everyday. I know that if he can live through the horror's he did and never give up fighting or give up hope for the future I can make my ass run ten miles. It will be nothing compared to the countless marches, convoys, checks he has done, and in my own small way it will be honoring the sacrifices he has made.
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